Letters to Amy -
These are letters my Daddy has been writing to me, so that when I grow up I will have a chance to really know how he feels, and what was going through his mind while all of this was going on.
My Dearest Amy,
You are only two years and 4 months and about 20 days old now. It has been 4 months and 20 days since I last saw you. I'm so sorry. I love you and miss you so much.
Right now I am on my way to Haneda airport on the Tokyo Monorail. I am coming to Kyushu to see my lawyer. I am planning to go to court with your Mother so that I can see you. Eventhough your Mother won't let me see you right now doesn't mean she is a bad person. I am sure that she is doing what she thinks is right. Your Mother is a good person, but due to the many problems we had for so many years there is nothing but anger left between us.
I am sorry I could not have changed that so your Mother and I remained friends. I don't have any bad feelings toward your Mother and I hope she stop being angry and start thinking of what is in your best interest.. The reason I have started writing these letters to you is so that you will know how I feel.
AMY I LOVE YOU
You are the light of my life;the apple of my eye.I can never get you out of my mind. You are a powerful child with a very old and wise soul. Eventhough you are only 2 years old you have already taught me so much. This may sound strange, but I think you are the first person that understood me. You are the first person who understood my heart.
I will never forget every minute we spent together. I can't forget the time we were in Omuta eating sushi and I banged my head against the wall. The next thing I knew you hit yours as well, and this became a game for us. There was also the time we were eating pizza (or p-pa as you would say) and I chewed up my food the said "Amy" and you looked just as I stuck the food out of my mouth. Then as soon as I turned around you said "Mama", and did the same thing.
Over many lifetimes I have lost you many times. I hope that I wont lose you again in this one. If I do lose you for some reason you will always have these letters to remind you of how much I love and care for you. Also please remember that whatever happens, your job is to make yourself a good hearted person. I know you will be the kind of person that both you and I would be proud of.
I love you my baby! Always find peace in you heart.!
Number 2 - January 25th, 1999
Amy my love,
I am so sorry to have to write you this letter. Today I went to family court with your Mother, and eventhough I want to see you and spend time with youyour Mother still doe not want me to. I have not seen you for 7 months and I am SO SAD. All I want to do is to hold you, play with you and kiss your head.! I am really not sure your Mothers reasonfor not lettingus be together but I hope one day she will change her mind. I must be honest with you. I am so Angry at your Mother for what she is doing. I hope that one day I can find a lesson in all of this mess.
I have been paying money for your welfare for a long time now, and dont know how I should proceed. I don't think your Mother is saving it for you, so I have decided that as long as she keeps us apart I will start putting the money in the Bank for you, instead of sending it to your Mother every month. This way when you really need the money it is here for you.
I am so sad the I am missing you while you grow so quickly. I am so sad that I will not be with you on your first day of school, or when you first ride a bicycle.. I am so sorry that i will miss most of your childhood, but I am so sad and gurt that I can't fight anymore. I am so sad that Japan won't help me be able to spend time with you. I am so sad that I cant take you to the park or for a walk.
I hope one day in the future we will be reunited and you will be able to forgive me for giving up the fight I so dearly wanted to win.
I told your Mother today that if she doesn't start letting me spend time with you from next month that I would stop paying her the money, and most likely return to America. I hope she decides to let us be together, and not makes us wait until you grow into a young adult.
Please remember I love you deeply. You are in my HEART and in my THOUGHTS.
I LOVE YOU,
These letters continue in Amy's Guestbook.